God’s been shining light on an area I thought I had more freedom in. He exposed a giant crack all the way across my heart.
I know what an orphan is in the body of Christ. They work really hard for love and acceptance. And they carry a hollow place inside that never gets filled. All their hard work and effort goes to proving they are worthy of love and to hiding their faults (1 Cor. 2:12).
It can be hard to know if we live from an orphan spirit when we have so much head knowledge about God’s love for us. It’s our hearts that determine whether we believe it.
Liking who we are is one indicator to whether we have that spirit or not. Can we gaze in the bathroom mirror and smile with genuine warmth and affection at the face looking back?
We smile at our friends without quickly looking away. Shouldn’t it be natural to give ourselves affectionate grins now and again when we are washing our hands?
Yet what do most of us do when we see ourselves in the mirror? Think how amazing we are? Or fixate on that mole, or those wrinkles, or the forehead that’s too short or too tall, or that awful cowlick we despise?
We see flaws where Jesus sees a daughter.
Hiding From God
God showed me that when I wasn’t “doing” for Him, or receiving some amazing truth from Him, I would run and hide.
When we were eyeball to eyeball and there wasn’t something for me to do or absorb, I had no idea what to say. I felt awkward. Not sure I was enough when it was just me being me.
So I would escape into a book or go to the gym or tidy things up (and with four kids there’s a lot of tidying to do).
The Bible tells us that He loved the entire world in its degenerate state, so why didn’t I feel enough in my un-degenerated state?
Because I didn’t feel like a beloved daughter. It’s not that I thought He was upset with me. I just didn’t feel enough. Like I should apologize for not doing or being more.
I’m not that bothered by my flaws. I feel His grace for my crankiness, and the selfishness that pops up at times and takes the biggest piece of pie or the last brownie (or two) without offering them to my family. I feel His grace over my imperfections.
So what was lacking?
So how do we make the jump from orphan to daughter or son?
We ask for that revelation. We meditate on scriptures that declare the love God has for us. We press in and ask until we receive it.
And if you want that understanding and that freedom, start talking to Him about it. Ask Him to show you how much He loves you. DON’T GIVE UP!
God is not withholding any good thing from you, trying to get you to work harder for it. We have an enemy who works to keep us from receiving all God has for us. Fight to hear God’s voice, to absorb and become all He has for you.
Father God, show me how to press into You. I want all Your promises for my life fulfilled. I want to receive revelation for how much You love me, so I can love myself as You do. Teach me how to follow You along the path of freedom and get free from the orphan spirit of this world. In Jesus’ name, amen.
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