How does He view our sin when we are hip deep in it?
I’ve wrestled with this question for much of my Christian life. I was certain He couldn’t, so I didn’t understand how He could keep from leaving me as a grease spot on the carpet after I yelled at my kids.
Would He hurl a lightning bolt the way I just hurled my angry words?
How can we have His pleasure when we are tripping into sin?
We moved across Oregon four years ago, so we now have a seven hour drive to visit family. That’s seven hours if you’re a law abiding citizen.
But if you travel just a wee ten mph faster than the posted limit, you can shave an hour off the drive. Oh, how the temptation calls, and how often I fall.
When I travel solo, I have all those lovely hours I could be talking to God, but instead I ignore Him. Why, you ask? Guilt.
I willingly and knowingly break the law because I have a need to speed. And I just can’t bring myself to look Him in the eye when I have my cruise control set at 75 mph. That may not seem like something to lose sleep over, but the law is the law and I’m breaking it. On purpose.
And I feel bad repenting because I know I’ll likely do it again. High percentage chance.
So after the last solo trip, I decided to talk with Him about it. Here’s what He said about my avoiding Him on the drive:
You didn’t come to Me with your speeding. You wanted to bypass the sin and have relationship. I was waiting to talk about your thoughts on getting there fast. I am in the journey, not the push. I love you and am not disappointed in you. Come to Me in your struggles and quandaries. You didn’t want to hear truth because you would have had to manage that appetite. The appetite wants to be fed. It wants its way. It wants to be ungoverned and free. I want to teach you to look to Me to meet your needs. To show you what’s broken and how to walk in freedom.
Choosing to walk with God does not mean we live sinless lives. The goal is not spotless behavior and a sparkling reputation.
The goal is relationship with Jesus. What is the by-product of intimacy with a fun-loving, joy-filled and loving God?
A life that is becoming free from the works of satan
(1 John 3:8). That means if we hang out with Jesus–—laugh with Him, cry with Him, and show Him our ugly stuff—-we become like Him. Sin becomes a non-issue in our lives.
I’m not saying that it will be easy. Some of us may be in bondage to sin with deep, deep roots and need the help of a deliverance counselor to get the healing and freedom we long for.
But as we learn to walk with Jesus as our friend, healer, counselor, deliverer…our everything—-our brokenness will be healed and we’ll walk in the freedom we were designed for.
Jesus, teach me more about walking in Your presence. I want to bring my broken parts to You, but I’m scared. I fear rejection and shame. Help me to see You with the love You have for me. The hope and the joy You experience when You smile over me. Teach me to love myself through Your eyes. Thank you. In Jesus’ name, amen.